All that I Am, All That I Ever Was

Reading my post from January it seems I was blissfully unaware of what lays ahead in the last 6 months, but what a time its been.

The first 2 massive pieces of news are:
1) I'm engaged
and
2) We're having a baby.

Getting engaged was awesome and definately the right decision. Things had been going great and it made sense so we did it. 27th June 2009 we'll be tying the knot. So wedding plans are well underway but have been somewhat overshadowed by news point 2!

You never know how you are going to react to news until you hear it. If you had said me in January that I would be a dad by the end of the year I would never have believed it or even thought I wanted it. But when the Mrs told me she was pregnant something amazing just went off inside me and I was made up.

Pregnancy has not been easy mind. She has a Fibroid so we're seeing a doctor every two weeks, but fingers crossed for now.

Other news, I qualified fully in February so am now a full blown lawyer. So much more I could say but I'll leave it there.

Aim to keep this effort going but only time will tell.

Its good to be back!

Much Love Blogland

I never somehow find it as bad coming back to work after a quiet weekend, than I do after a fun filled non stop weekend. That meant today hasn't really been too bad. Thats not to say I didn't have a nice weekend. It was definately a good weekend, just not an amazing one. Which is fine.

My unhealthy addiction with The Wire meant I didn't crash out till about 5am on Saturday morning, so by the time I woke most of Saturday was gone. Suffice to say I spent the rest of the day watching it anyway.

What is it about some TV shows that makes me so addicted to them? I thought I'd have some better ideas of how to spend all this precious time.

Anyway, relations with my girlfriend are good and long may they continue that way. I hate myself for this, but I can;t get this nagging out of my mind that says we're heading for a fall somewhere along the line. Oh well I'll try and stay positive I guess.

Much love Blogland

I woke this morning and for some reason I had the song "Lining Your Pockets" by Ocean Colour Scene in my head:

# Lining your pockets for no other reason, Than to buy up the things that I gave without reasonable pay.

Couldn't really find the meaning behind the song or what made me think of it but its been in my head all day.

Anyway its been a better day. Took on a drugs case defending some girl on some serious charges. Met our farmers who are fighting eviction. That meeting lasted an hour and 45 mins. Long time really.

Had lunch with the girlfriend and for some reason I was in a bad mood and so didn't have the best time. It amazes me how she can't just walk down a street normally. She always bangs into me, gets distracted looking at things and gets in peoples way and snakes up the pavement which just stops people walking past. Strange thing to annoy me, but thats been today.

Anyway post work I went to hers for tea which was much better. Really felt so in love with her it was intense. How it should be.

Tonight became Fifa 07 Winner Stays on Night at ours. Luckily I'm pretty good and was on virtually the entire night. So that made me feel good.

Why am I so competative at times? I don't think its a bad thing but I do things like that with too much passion. Oh well. I'm happy when I win (and annoyed when I lose!!) so I'm glad I won.

No progress on the years gains yet. Surely this weekend is the first real chance. I am aiming for handball Sunday and sort gym tomorrow.

Well 10 seconds left on my download so off to enjoy.

Take care bloglanders.

Today was a better day in some ways and not so in others.

Work was slightly more bareable. But I think that was down to facebook and looking up flights for going away. I think me and my girlfriend are going to holiday in Florida but the way things are going who knows.

That said it was a really nice night with her. She met me after work, we came back to mine and eventually got a takeaway and went to hers. Then I came home. No fuss, no moaning, no disagreements, just love, friendship and cuddles!!

Met a friend of mine for lunch and we talked about old times and how old we are getting and all the things under the sun. It was really nice to catch up with her. She's a person who, a very long time ago we came very close to having something, but it never really happened and now we're distant friends. Suits us both really.

Amazon have despatched my scales so I will probably have a heart attack when I find out I'm 30 stone or something. Nasty. But I've committed to sport on Sunday and plan to speak to the gym tomorrow about rejoining for a few months. Be a good start. Hmmmm.... but that takeaway tonight wasn't. DAMN! Forgot about that.

Anyway bed is calling and I'm glad its only a 3 day week this week. Friday tomorrow and that means the weekend!

Take care folks.

Ok so with my goals for the year fresh in my mind it was back to work today after a luxurious week and a half off and boy did it hit home. Wasted my entire morning on facebook and despite a motivational mental speech over lunch I went back in the afternoon and conspired to do nothing.

Wasted alot of time discussing my girlfriend/commitment thing with both my boss and then one of the girls I work with. Suffice to say they had very different advice. My bosses advice was to get rid of her quick and he then proceeded to explain the last 15 years of his and his wife's relationship. However Christine was far more moderate in her views, although she did basically say if I wasn't ready it was the wrong thing to do.

So with all that in mind I went to my girlfriends for dinner, had a fantastic time and forgot all about any of this. If only that could last forever hey!!

On other year goal related news I ordered a set of scales off amazon in order to find out the exact nature of the task and give me an ongoing progress check and I checked local gym membership and sports times. All I need to do now is actually do something!

Well hope you all in blogland have had a better day than I have. Time for some guitar me thinks!!

I reckon today must be the day when more people than ever post on their blogs. Like me, I am sure most of them had a late night drinking session to ring in the new year and then awoke feeling hungover and reflective. Well this has led me to want to write about what I want to achieve in the coming year.

Qualifying

Best to start with something you can achieve, so my first aim is to qualify as a Lawyer. This might sound harder than it is, as having passed my Bar Exams, my 2 year training ends on 9th January and I can then apply for my final interview and be called. That should all be tied up by the end of February.

Love

My girlfriend has raised some pretty serious questions for me to answer. She wants me to move back in with her (I moved out 6 months ago when things weren't going so well) in April. Then give it a couple of months to see how it works and then come August I have to decide to Marry Her or Lose Her. Something tells me I'll be dealing with this alot over the coming months so enough said for now.

Health

I am fat, unfit and seriously damaging my health. Not a rash statement, but a sad fact. Since I stopped playing rugby 18 months ago I have piled on the weight. I must be well over 25 stone by now. This needs some serious addressing. I really plan to hit the gym, hit the pool, cut down on drinking and eat better (ie. no take aways) while I get this under control. Most of my clothes barely fit me now and when I look in the mirror I'm disgusted at what I have let myself become. So this is the time to sort that.

Music

As always, over the last few years it has been all ideas and no product. Well this year I aim to change that. My band (Freshly Shaven) are working on original material more and I want to get a set written and ready for us to go out and play. Also I just want to enjoy it more and not do things for the sake of it.

General

Above all this year I want to be happy. There are so many issues I need to address in the next few months and I have seen just how supportive the blogging community can be and how a blog can help you work through the big decisions and issues in life, so I intend to use mine! And I would greatly appreciate any advice, help or anything else anyone wants to say.

I hope everyone has a fantastic 2008 and I aim to make this coming year My Year Of Change.

You know when you're just having one of those days when you can't be bothered doing anything. Well that seems to be me at the minute, every day. I wake up, come to work, surf the net, go home, surf the net, sleep then start again. I have no desire or energy for anything.

What can I do to get my drive back?

Ok so I currently have no idea whats going on between me and my girlfriend if thats what she in fact is.

After we split, I moved out of our place and back in with my folks. Almost straight away she said she didn't want to split up and that we were just taking a step back to sort out some issues.

The biggest problem is I don't understand these issues and how to work them out.

A few good signs are she asked me to stay at hers (formerly ours) last Friday and I've stayed there every night since. But tonight I'll stay at home and its messing with my head.

How can we be together and move on when our issue were born out of living together which we now don't? Confused....... I sure am.

Adamant I was going to put this week of hell behind me I agreed to a band practice last night with the boys. Anything I thought to take my mind off it.

Well............Success!!! What a great night. We started writing a new song which sounded really good. Worked through an old one and played most of our repertoire. Made me feel great and I was so into the music.

Then I went back to where I am staying and started to think about things. Bad idea!!!

But escaping for those 3 hours felt amazing. There is hope, and that hopes name is music.

I'm on the way back.

I decided after starting this Blog that I didn't want to be writing depressing stuff all the time on it and constantly moaning.

Unfortunately that was exactly what was happening so I took a bit of a break.

But now I feel like I have to write something but I warn you, its not gonna be good:

-----------------------

Well the weekend took a major turn for me. My girlfriend and I, who have lived together for 2 years split up.

It all started for me when she got a new job. She had to work harder, was always stressed and didn't want to do much with her friends. What she wanted was for us to do everything together. She is 32 and I am 25 so I was still keen to go out with my friends and play in the bands, but she just wanted to be with a partner.

So we had a fall out about a month ago and vowed to work harder on it. I thought it was going well. I spent more time with her and less with the lads and everything else she wanted to do, I did.

But Sunday night I went out with my mates for the first time in 3 weeks and she cracked. She phoned my brying and asked me to come home. I did, we talked and we broke up.

So yesterday I moved out of our place and into my folks. We went for a drink last night and both agreed we were confused but the love was still there and so we'd take a few steps back have a break and see what we wanted after that.

Funny how life can change so much in 24 hours hey!!